Random Yarns: ”The Butler”, a Pastor, the Indian Army and More

Forest Whitaker was kissing and feeling up Oprah Winfrey in ”The Butler”. Oprah Winfrey dear God. Not Denzel Washington, not Idris Elba, not Morgan Freeman, not ‘deleke Afolayan (most unfortunately), thankfully not Samuel L. Jackson (the aggression of that) and most gratefully not Segun Arinze…

Thou shall not... wait, even if it's Oprah?

Admittedly, Terrence Howard did too (going by the idea they were getting it on behind Mr. Gaines) but really? Forest Whitaker? Did he even have the word Oprah on his bucketlist? Does he even have a bucketlist? No no, all I’m trying to say is he did quite good in the movie… being the pro actor he is.

(Although he was feeling up and kissing none other… okay okay, dropping it and leaving with some ‘quotes’ one came across anywhere through the year)…

“And it felt so grrrrrr.” – Sassy IJ.

“Chelu godu, for thrusting left and right to be possible coodibee that otu ya nwe room and parlour?” – Black Hermit if I recall right. I don’t understand Igbo but this… seems like something one shouldn’t translate into mainstream lingo.

”Is there to be a statue of Dennis Bergkamp outside the stadium? Yes. Will it have better technique than Giroud? I don’t know about that.” – @wengerknowsbest

”I say to Moyes, ‘Wilshere give finger to fan – 1 game ban! Zaha give finger to Moyes daugh………….. ‘ Kagawa – Unconscious, 6 minute!” – @evilkagawa

“Due to a low number of responses from coaches and captains of the national teams as well as media representatives and in order to ensure a representative number of votes for the FIFA Ballon d’Or, the FIFA’s Women’s Player of the Year, the FIFA Coach of the Year and the FIFA Women’s Coach of the Year, FIFA and France Football extended the deadline for the voting until 29 November 2013.” – FIFA, (c)overtly taking the Ballon d’Or title from Franck Ribery’s grasp.

“I’ll play anywhere – just not goalkeeper!” – Hatem Ben Arfa, when he wasn’t warming up to his spell on the Newcastle United bench just a bit ago. Now? He did a stoppage time cutback that slid Mathieu Flamini out of the picture (unless maybe on a HD tv). But he ended up shooting into the sidenetting as Arsenal claimed a 1-0 win.

”Rooney text-a-message Kagawa. ‘Fifa14 so realistic it impossible Kagawa get on pitch!’ I ask why? He say ‘it have no ‘korea’ mode!’ RAAACIST!” – @evilkagawa

”Tell me you’re not crashing with a weapon of mass destruction? *sights crashing helicopter* Oh dear God!” – Woman in ”Red 2”.

Scene from ”Red 2”

”You’re fighting your country. I’m fight for my country.” – Charles Gaines to Louis in ”The Butler”. F**king Forest Whittaker though. I don’t even remember any of his lines.

”The mere thought of Indian military is too funny. F**k would they do? Sing down the walls of Jericho?” – @9OGlock

”One who, not on purpose, forgets to have their food; served or self made, is capable of, not on purpose, forgetting the person(s) they hold most dear. Does not mean such person is not hungry having long gone without food, just as it does not mean such person does not hold most dear those whom they do having long gone without telling them. Which then is why it is good and imperative to eat regularly.” – Anonymous. Only God knows what sort of hunger was overwhelming this person at the time.

”I heard if you cry onto Drake’s CDs it unlocks bonus tracks.” – Ken Livingstone


”Özil is a Gunner!” – Gooners!

”I’m a Gunner!” – Mesut Özil during his first press conference after signing.

”Somebody’s daddy is toasting my bestie at this airport. Is [your] daddy travelling today? Did he leave the house [with] purple agbada and white cap?” – @taleentohbad

”Stop the tow… (Roger! Stop the tow.) Execute! *shots fired*” – Rescue team commander in ”Captain Philips”. Dude should’ve just taken the $30,000 but no, oh no… spirit of a typical Nigerian politician came upon him and the rest, as they don’t say, is a movie.

”Akwa ibom language is just pidgin Chinese.” – @TickTacFoe

”Imagine my brother. All day he was in his room, hadn’t brushed his teeth or had his bath. But some chic sends him a message and 10 minutes later he’s all cleaned up and ready to make mummy a grandma.” – Anonymous

”Go on Eve, eat the apple. (But God said not to, lol.) YOLO! (K… lol.)” – Lucifer and Eve, in literature.

Ese before the sit down

”Come… sit on my lap… let me show you a new level of grace!” – Pastor, according to omo pastor. There was supposed to be a robust reply and while many have gone on about how none has since been forthcoming, it is worthy to always remember the many sayings about silence…

The alleged sit down itself is rated R, so we must do with this illustration

”I tell a girl, ‘you should come to my house, no one is home *wink*’. Then she go to my house and get angry because I’m not there, even though I told her ‘no one is home’. PLEASE WHY?”

”When I get married to Oprah, I’m going to respect myself, my family & become Mr. Ayodeji Oprah Winfrey. I’m lucky I’m keeping “Mr”” – @1stoopidgenius. Now, you see and now I hope Forest Whitaker is aware of what he has achieved. I… I’m sleep.

”Odemwingie the “Mwingie” is silent :|” – @Rhanty when Osaze Odemwingie was ever so desperate to leave West Bromwich-Albion for Queens Park Rangers back in January. Fast forward to present day reality and he’s now at Vincent Tan owned Cardiff City while QPR aren’t doing so bad… in the Championship.


”Gen. Adisa oooh… baba Ilorin… He say ‘[now] I have two types of [signatures]… This one I signed when I thought Mustapha will kill me..” – @Rozay2580

Eventually, General Adisa has passed on and left all that behind drama. Oprah’s character in ”The Butler” died eventually too but of all ways to die, the makers of this film chose that way for Oprah’s character to die? Absolute comedians!

Leaving with the good words of Pope Francis, ”Dear young people, do not bury your talents, the gifts that God has given you! Do not be afraid to dream of great things!”

… and that’s how it ends with this post. See you in 2014.

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  1. #1 by enigma106 on December 30, 2013 - 22:27


    This guy you’re finished.

    See as u dey beef Whittaker lmao

    Nice post

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