Random Yarns: Nigeria Buying a WhatsApp, Church Etiquette and More

In such an unfair world where a musician with half a century of twitter followers would likely only sell about 25% of that number after releasing two albums in three years when a couple of dudes with a whole lot less number of followers just got their app bought for 400% of the number of the musician’s twitter followers about three years after making the app… a supposedly Nigerian corporation is apparently above the law and as such, is not about to reconcile an amount which is about equal to the amount the app was bought for.

WhatsApp logo

The $20billion of ghostmoney at Goodluck and oil producing factory; also simply known as NNPC, yet again brings to fore the peculiarly peculiar nature of the conundrum simply known as Nigeria that has been since 1914 when Lord Lugard (of not so blessed memory going by comments of citizens recently) ensured people from the north, east and west had a ‘big word’ in their vocabulary. Amalgamation.

Supposing the $20b is even at the entity simply known as NNPC and they one day so soon feel obliged to remit it to the federation account, one could assume a whole range of imaginative things it could be expended on.

Outrageously improving power supply is one, another is radically transforming the rail system to have it catch up with the Maglev ways it has taken up some places far far to the east, yet another is letting ASUU know their demands were/are nothing and the ensuing brouhaha a little while ago was not expected of a chill-entity they are expected to be…

Nigeria could invest the money in the telecommunications sector because right now, the services by the providers are a manageable mess. Or, the Federal Government could simply have bought WhatsApp just because, among many mundane things, the app shares same colour with our flag.

The Nigerian flag

Think it would be a cool idea for a country to have a cross-platform ‘messaging’ app through which all who get this app (for free or a ‘token’, depending on the Mobuto/Idi Amin to Mugabe to Yar’adua levels of her leader’s disposition) drop their ideas/suggestions/inputs on governance and what not.

Catch here is, all who get this app will be communicating only with one ‘user’ at the other end (the FG) and communication with others with this app would only be made possible by ‘the one’ also known as ‘Neo’ accepting requests to join a group regulated/admin-ed by it.

Nigeria buying a WhatsApp doesn’t look so much like a Kevin Hart joke now, eh? I should suggest this to Lucky Joe’s SA on New Media, Reno Omokri (also affectionately named Rhino O’Mockery by a tweeter last year, classic) and just like that, I’d have done something for my country (which in return would pay me what Rooney now gets as his weekly pay, but in my case… tax free ^_^).

Speaking of, that’s how Barrister Reno was asked today on twitter why Mallam Nasir El-Rufai has been crying over the suspension of Sanusi Lamido Sanusi from the office of Central Bank of Nigeria Governor, to which Reno replied, ”I’m not sure he weeps for Sanusi. It might be the multi billion contract Elrufai & Co got from CBN that he weeps for.”

Auch(i)!

We need to keep praying for this country. People are getting slain like chickens during Easter would in Borno State, Academic Staff Union of Polytechnics (ASUP) have been doing an ASUU for some months, Lagos weather has been Maiduguri-ish all day and night for some time, citizens are randomly getting kidnapped (rich or poor, people are getting picked), a dollar sells close to N170 now, a student of Bowen recently was stabbed to death because she didn’t ‘give ‘it’ up’ to some fellas… Pastor Chris could run for President again…

It is endless. But here’s the thing, before you’re in the church/mosque handing Nigeria to God for a better today soon, do remember to change your phone’s profile to the silent mode. It was tragicomedic just yesterday when a man’s phone rang while we were reciting the Lord’s Prayer during Mass.

The comedy of it was the silly ringtone. The tragedy was it was the second time it rang while Mass was on. Did it end there? Of course not. This is Nigeria, the land of the peculiar. Hence, the man let it ring… like it wasn’t obvious the ringing was coming from his pocket.

How do you go about saying the Lord’s Prayer with such an unapologetic attitude and then expect your country not to be in such a mess of twenty billion (multiplied by how much a dollar goes for at the Bureau de Change these days) proportions? Gosh! Reckless behaviour!

Oh look, PHCN just restored power here… things that keep my faith alive. Let me go make the most of it while it’s available.

Have a great day wherever you are.

Advertisements

, , , , , ,

  1. #1 by AmosCP on February 24, 2014 - 19:52

    Trully Nigerian.

  2. #2 by punkenstein on February 24, 2014 - 23:05

    \(*_*)/

  3. #3 by Abiodun on February 27, 2014 - 09:52

    Touché. Nice piece.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: