Archive for category My Word on…

Random Yarns: Living the Jet Life BUT You Can’t Be Homosexual

Good day from a part of the world where the president is supposedly about to add another jet to the presidential fleet, if he hasn’t. 11 birds for one citizen, albeit the ‘number one’ citizen (how did that happen, Lord?), yet the nation he presides over doesn’t have a national carrier.

Amidst adding to the presidential fleet, the husband of Mama Peace – Lucky Joe – ”quietly” (as the Telegraph rightly put it, seeing as the lawmakers had passed the bill December 17, 2013 and Lucky Joe had signed it as law January 7, 2014) made the Same Sex Marriage Prohibition Act. I mean, is there a better way to start your Tuesday morning?


Before delving into the matter of somewhat flexuous sexuality, have you ever found yourself in public transportation sitting right beside a ninj… a muslim woman dressed to cover all parts of her body?

Commercial Lagos

Always a fascinating experience for a male, at least it is for me. I’m sitting comfortably while she is fidgeting for reasons best known to Allah. I would sniff my armpits to check if I’m being an inconvenience but my cleanliness is like my appetite… satisfied at least twice a day.

The last time I sat beside a nin… woman dressed in niqab, she fidgeted for 10 minutes while I thought up this post. And when I’m thinking, as I’m sure you do, I tend to have a smile/smirk… as I’m sure you, uhm… do.

You should see me while I’m thinking up a blog post in the bedroom… or not, your preference. Bringing us back to Lucky Joe and the bill he just passed since it’s the least one could do on a Tuesday morning.

In a country where ”there’s no network” forever at Union Bank, where the Stella Oduah trust fund worth ₦225m as at 2013 has been dwarfed by the joint trust fund of NNPC and CBN worth varying yet equally staggering sums between $12b and $48b…

… in a country where the amounts budgeted to fuel power generators at government offices is ‘necessary’, in a country where the CBN Governor is asked to resign by the President for the leak of letter when Stella Oduah is still on the matter… what I’m concerned about at the moment is this…

A basic Nike football advert. Sorry, we’ll get to the gay rights bill in a bit. For now, the Nike advert has five players in Brazil national team colours making up a wall for what looks like an icon of Cristiano Ronaldo about to take one of those freekicks.

2012 294

Each time I see that picture, ‘every each time’, all I think about is how Luis Nani and Cristiano Ronaldo’s careers panned out; very much like this picture. In case you didn’t see him, Nani’s the one in the back… ”to the left to the left. Looking-for CR-lite? Look to the left!”

Why would a creative be so wickedly creative and do that? My God! If I was at the brainstroming session that led to this creative (master)piece I’d have the Portuguese touchline as the background with Ricardo (fake charisma) Quaresma about to come on for none other than Nani (noni).

Writing of, Ronaldo was awarded the Ballon d’Or, congratulations. Lionel Messi, knowing full well he wasn’t getting the Ballon d’Or decided (actually, I assume) to wear that to the ceremony. (No, don’t bring Ballon d’Suit-esque jokes here. The award itself isn’t a bad enough joke already?)

Then… Franck Ribery. After being frontrunner for the prize before FIFA thought it wise to extend voting, Ribery didn’t even finish as runner-up but in third place. At least he’s got the cups in the Bayern Munich trophy cabinet to cry into, consolation.

I feel for Ribery, really. All he didn’t do better than Ronaldo or Messi in 2013 was be the only player in his team that was in extraordinary form. Sentiments aside, all he didn’t do better than the other two was score endless goals.

One now must really cherish the moment Fabio Cannavaro was crowned world player of the year in 2006. Dare a defender (or anyone who doesn’t play upfront) to win the award now… dare you!

… but que sera sera. The Ballon d’Or mockery, which became crystal apparent based on some of the players listed in the team of the year, has happened. ”Deal with it!” is what I’ve told myself.

Which is what I’ll say to debaters arguing in favour of the ‘anti-gay’ law. You guys do realise showing public support of homosexuality could see you spend a decade in jail right? Jail where the myth of the dropped bar of soap came from?

Deal with it, please!

Seedorf tears_1

Or, what would you do when you find out the manager of your favourite (title winning on a regular) football club is gay? Call for his sack? And risk becoming what Manqueester United is becoming?

Roman's fantasy

Look, my opinion on homosexuality is…



… anyway, whether you like it or not, the law basically says being homosexual is wrong. Be a ”law abiding citizen” (like Gerard Butler’s character was) and deal with it (… not like Gerard Butler’s character did though).

Besides, as Chief Edochie once asked, “would you have your plantain bare and feed it to the wrong person through their anal hole rather than to the right person through the proper hole?” and indeed, what pleasure do some people derive from anal sex?

Hmm… it is time to rest, Punkenstein.

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Random Yarns: Gabrielle Union, Bright Okpocha and Some Other Folks

Quite ironic how this ”Being Mary Jane” show by Gabrielle Union started right about the time the Dwayne Wade episode happened/broke/headlined/whatever… give it a watch and you might enjoy it. You’ll understand the irony when you see Mary Jane.

Anyway, Dumbphone maker Blackberry and multi-grammy award winning mother of a child not entirely so oddly named, Alicia Keys did the ‘by mutual consent’ with each other only a year after Blackberry named Mrs. Swizz Beatz their Global Creative Director.

The signs have been there right from the moment mama Egypt was named Global Creative Director that it was sort of a marriage of convenience between her and BB, with the latter being in the unorthodox position of dependence… like an Oprah on a decline depending on, say Idris Elba to remain viable.

Having read a Business Week reminisce of the meteoric rise and now, free fall of BB as told by current and former workers of the Canadian company, Keys’ appointment right from start was doomed because frankly there was little to nothing having her on board would have done to salvage BB.

I’m however just pissed that in the 12 months she spent as GCD, I’m unaware of a single Dumbberry that came with preloaded ‘exclusive’ music/content from her, her husband and/or any of the musicians the couple is associated with.

And if you read that Business Week piece aforementioned, you’d be mighty pissed at BB that they probably won’t be so deep in the tech world sewers they are in at the moment had they supposedly signed Justin Bieber on when the god of Belieber’s (Love) World basically begged to be made BB brand ambassador back when he just broke into the scene.

Five years, thousands of workers laid off and a little over $4b lost in the last quarter, the berry that was once everybody’s favourite (except a rare handful who never owned one to date) is going through a patch that’s namesakes with the first syllable of its name.

Very black is also the deathly footballing valley through which David Moyes and Manchester United are walking, nevermind that they should be used to doing so being the Red Devils.

Never has there been such panic at the club since Alex Ferguson was famously a game away from being fired in the late 1980s, with the latest seizure to hold the United fans in a tragicomic splurge of spasmic emotions coming off the club’s 2-1 loss to Swansea City in the English FA Cup. I mean, look…

Moyes' look just about summed it up

Bad enough that it was a home loss, worse that it was United’s fifth home loss this season alone (and there’s four good months left to play) and worst that it came against a Swansea side that had never beaten United at Old Trafford.

Being an Arsenal fan, the upheaval at New Trafford lights up Christmas trees in my heart and sets the child in me (yes, van Persie, be tortured) free. Yet it still isn’t enough to completely erase the thought of how ludicrous losing to them in November still seems, however irrelevant that result is turning out in the grand scheme of things.

But in a season in which Mikel Obi has scored two goals after scoring just two in all of his previous seven seasons at Chelsea, a season in which Aaron Ramsey’s also scored more goals for Arsenal than he did in his previous three combined… in a season Lionel Messi isn’t atop any goalscoring chart…

… in a season Wenger spent as much as £42.4m on one player and would’ve spent just under that amount on another had he not added a spiteful pound to the £40m he offered for Luis Suarez… United’s spiral to the hell their nickname comes from shouldn’t be so shocking as it is amusing to witness.

Joke wey pass people wallet power

Almost as equally amusing to witness, as it is pedagogical to observe from a psychological view, is the reaction off an intended comedy of a post by renowned comedian Basketmouth on his Facebook page.

I’m not even going to react to the matter otherwise, man will be adding his own cube of knorr to the pot of yam porridge that’s already soaking up satchets and cubes of Onga, Vedan, all sorts of salt with and without iodine as well as all variants of maggi (except the one fish, for the obvious reason).

There goes what was looking to be a tasty meal. ASUU, PHCN, David Moyes, excess holiday food and drinks, Robert Mugabe perhaps and all network providers in Nigeria are to blame for all the nonsense that’s sprouted thus.

Most of all, blame Tottenham fans too. Aren’t they the ones who started throwing coins, insults and what not at Theo Walcott when the Arsenal player made that gesture while being stretchered off on Saturday?

The Score ICYMI

That’s how precedents are set in this global village of ours, emphasis on village. Understandably, e de pain. Do I know how Spurs and Man. United fans feel? Well… it’s not my place to comment on speculation, all I know is Arsenal is still in the FA Cup.

Now I can’t little bit rant about how KidsCo got yanked off the DStv bouquet, so it’s to go cool off somewhere while Blackie/Blakky makes his return to the Nigerian music scene (yep). What’s the worst that could happen that Yeezus hasn’t prepared us for though?

I’m just chilling…

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Random Yarns: ”The Butler”, a Pastor, the Indian Army and More

Forest Whitaker was kissing and feeling up Oprah Winfrey in ”The Butler”. Oprah Winfrey dear God. Not Denzel Washington, not Idris Elba, not Morgan Freeman, not ‘deleke Afolayan (most unfortunately), thankfully not Samuel L. Jackson (the aggression of that) and most gratefully not Segun Arinze…

Thou shall not... wait, even if it's Oprah?

Admittedly, Terrence Howard did too (going by the idea they were getting it on behind Mr. Gaines) but really? Forest Whitaker? Did he even have the word Oprah on his bucketlist? Does he even have a bucketlist? No no, all I’m trying to say is he did quite good in the movie… being the pro actor he is.

(Although he was feeling up and kissing none other… okay okay, dropping it and leaving with some ‘quotes’ one came across anywhere through the year)…

“And it felt so grrrrrr.” – Sassy IJ.

“Chelu godu, for thrusting left and right to be possible coodibee that otu ya nwe room and parlour?” – Black Hermit if I recall right. I don’t understand Igbo but this… seems like something one shouldn’t translate into mainstream lingo.

”Is there to be a statue of Dennis Bergkamp outside the stadium? Yes. Will it have better technique than Giroud? I don’t know about that.” – @wengerknowsbest

”I say to Moyes, ‘Wilshere give finger to fan – 1 game ban! Zaha give finger to Moyes daugh………….. ‘ Kagawa – Unconscious, 6 minute!” – @evilkagawa

“Due to a low number of responses from coaches and captains of the national teams as well as media representatives and in order to ensure a representative number of votes for the FIFA Ballon d’Or, the FIFA’s Women’s Player of the Year, the FIFA Coach of the Year and the FIFA Women’s Coach of the Year, FIFA and France Football extended the deadline for the voting until 29 November 2013.” – FIFA, (c)overtly taking the Ballon d’Or title from Franck Ribery’s grasp.

“I’ll play anywhere – just not goalkeeper!” – Hatem Ben Arfa, when he wasn’t warming up to his spell on the Newcastle United bench just a bit ago. Now? He did a stoppage time cutback that slid Mathieu Flamini out of the picture (unless maybe on a HD tv). But he ended up shooting into the sidenetting as Arsenal claimed a 1-0 win.

”Rooney text-a-message Kagawa. ‘Fifa14 so realistic it impossible Kagawa get on pitch!’ I ask why? He say ‘it have no ‘korea’ mode!’ RAAACIST!” – @evilkagawa

”Tell me you’re not crashing with a weapon of mass destruction? *sights crashing helicopter* Oh dear God!” – Woman in ”Red 2”.

Scene from ”Red 2”

”You’re fighting your country. I’m fight for my country.” – Charles Gaines to Louis in ”The Butler”. F**king Forest Whittaker though. I don’t even remember any of his lines.

”The mere thought of Indian military is too funny. F**k would they do? Sing down the walls of Jericho?” – @9OGlock

”One who, not on purpose, forgets to have their food; served or self made, is capable of, not on purpose, forgetting the person(s) they hold most dear. Does not mean such person is not hungry having long gone without food, just as it does not mean such person does not hold most dear those whom they do having long gone without telling them. Which then is why it is good and imperative to eat regularly.” – Anonymous. Only God knows what sort of hunger was overwhelming this person at the time.

”I heard if you cry onto Drake’s CDs it unlocks bonus tracks.” – Ken Livingstone


”Özil is a Gunner!” – Gooners!

”I’m a Gunner!” – Mesut Özil during his first press conference after signing.

”Somebody’s daddy is toasting my bestie at this airport. Is [your] daddy travelling today? Did he leave the house [with] purple agbada and white cap?” – @taleentohbad

”Stop the tow… (Roger! Stop the tow.) Execute! *shots fired*” – Rescue team commander in ”Captain Philips”. Dude should’ve just taken the $30,000 but no, oh no… spirit of a typical Nigerian politician came upon him and the rest, as they don’t say, is a movie.

”Akwa ibom language is just pidgin Chinese.” – @TickTacFoe

”Imagine my brother. All day he was in his room, hadn’t brushed his teeth or had his bath. But some chic sends him a message and 10 minutes later he’s all cleaned up and ready to make mummy a grandma.” – Anonymous

”Go on Eve, eat the apple. (But God said not to, lol.) YOLO! (K… lol.)” – Lucifer and Eve, in literature.

Ese before the sit down

”Come… sit on my lap… let me show you a new level of grace!” – Pastor, according to omo pastor. There was supposed to be a robust reply and while many have gone on about how none has since been forthcoming, it is worthy to always remember the many sayings about silence…

The alleged sit down itself is rated R, so we must do with this illustration

”I tell a girl, ‘you should come to my house, no one is home *wink*’. Then she go to my house and get angry because I’m not there, even though I told her ‘no one is home’. PLEASE WHY?”

”When I get married to Oprah, I’m going to respect myself, my family & become Mr. Ayodeji Oprah Winfrey. I’m lucky I’m keeping “Mr”” – @1stoopidgenius. Now, you see and now I hope Forest Whitaker is aware of what he has achieved. I… I’m sleep.

”Odemwingie the “Mwingie” is silent :|” – @Rhanty when Osaze Odemwingie was ever so desperate to leave West Bromwich-Albion for Queens Park Rangers back in January. Fast forward to present day reality and he’s now at Vincent Tan owned Cardiff City while QPR aren’t doing so bad… in the Championship.


”Gen. Adisa oooh… baba Ilorin… He say ‘[now] I have two types of [signatures]… This one I signed when I thought Mustapha will kill me..” – @Rozay2580

Eventually, General Adisa has passed on and left all that behind drama. Oprah’s character in ”The Butler” died eventually too but of all ways to die, the makers of this film chose that way for Oprah’s character to die? Absolute comedians!

Leaving with the good words of Pope Francis, ”Dear young people, do not bury your talents, the gifts that God has given you! Do not be afraid to dream of great things!”

… and that’s how it ends with this post. See you in 2014.

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Random Yarns: Formidable Beast and Judgement Day Menu

While reading through tweeters’ thoughts one boring day during this festive period, a certain handle came up and with nothing doing, I looked up the meaning of this tweeter’s handle/username and lo, the following came about.

Beast 1

According to a legend, there is a sea beast so formidable only God can defeat it. What? Gypsy Danger can’t do anything about this Category 6+ matter? Best to leave the snoozing beast alone, assuming it exists.

Another legend has it that this fearless beast came so close to having the fish that swallowed Job for lunch. Whether it came close to doing so while Job was in the fish or after Job was out of the fish isn’t clear but for this legend to even exist, means it was while Job was in the fish.

While, thankfully for Job and the people he reluctantly delivered God’s message to, the beast didn’t eat Job’s fish, the beast is said to live on a one whale a day diet… and there you were, gloating about your ravenous appetite.

Yet another legend has it that this beast is a guardian of hell, which sort of explains why it’s regarded as a formidable one and can only be vanquished by God. Not that we even would like to find out ”oh, I read about you while I was alive. But I always thought it was Cerberus that… ” *roar* ”Ah!”


Dear God, no.

One more legend has it that God actually created two of this formidable beast, one male and one female. The male was a land beast (think T-Rex or a pissed off Godzilla on her week or a Category 6 Kaiju) while the female was a sea beast (same as previous parenthesis, just replace T-rex with Loch Ness).

But seeing as having two beasts so formidable wasn’t a particularly good idea for mother earth’s peace of mind and for the love of Premier League football, the legend says God vanquished one of them and salted it to keep for the end of days banquet.

Yes! When we get final judgement from God (and by His grace, make Heaven) we have excess barbeque (with Heineken, Baileys or Horlicks I hope) from this beast awaiting us to devour it in the everlasting banquet.

Problem is, the legend says it’s the female that God has in storage all salted and chilling for us to join the Heavenly hosts in the welcome party. The female is the sea beast we’re talking about here and… I don’t eat fish.

So, something else has to be on the menu that glorious day because I certainly hope to be part of God’s banquet party, because the alternative is not worth even considering let alone ending up with.

Dear God, no.

I have faith my God will come through for me though. Gizzard, liver, beef, chicken drumsticks, turkey, roundabout, ẹdọ, peppered pọmọ, snail, either peppered or cooked… asun… anything but fish!

Maybe even pork, if we get there and alas find out it actually is not a taboo to eat it afterall. The look on the archangels’ faces when some new folks in Heaven realise they missed out on pork all their earthly lives. I hear it tastes really nice… anyway, God will come through as He always has for me.

Anything but fish!

Beast 2

The beast is named the Leviathan and the pronunciation of it is rather sweet… not that it’s being suggested you name your child this. I don’t know you.

Would rather you didn’t look the Leviathan up either, there’s a bit about the Satanic Church and how it is the ‘fourth estate’ of that realm I conveniently left out of this post, sort of.

Right then. Have yourself a great day wherever you are.

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Random Yarns: My 2013 Songs and Some Extra

Here goes nothing…

Wizkid and uncle Femi Kuti

Jaiye Jaiye – Wizkid ft Femi Kuti
Wizkid became the Akon of Nigerian music in 2013, absolutely slaying every song he was featured while churning even better songs of his own and this song with Femi Kuti was perfection for me.

It is lively, it is sort of thoughtful and it has Femi Kuti on it. If Wizkid is a type of act who can’t go wrong on a song, no song can go if it has Femi Kuti on it. No? Go listen to Eedris Abdulkarim’s ”Fela” for proof.

Uhm… I really like Caro too, the song.

New York Times – J. Cole ft. Bas, 50 Cent
For a long time after J. Cole released his Born Sinner album, ”Niggaz Know” was the only song I had because there was a fear the album would fall short of how good Cole World: The Sideline Story was.

But fear – if it’s not of the Lord – is a basic deception of the fearing person’s imaginations. So, I got the song with rave of the moment Kendrick Lamar and ”Forbidden Fruit” turned out quite cool.

Then I got this song with Bas and 50Cent and was absolutely convinced Born Sinner would be a very good album. Soulful instrumemtal, well delivered rap of a well beaten story (admittedly) and a very nice touch having the once golden boy of New York do the chorus.

Open Letter – Jay-Z
Been a while Jay-Z tried to go hard and actually did, I think. Magna Carter would definitely have been holier if this Open Letter was written on it too.

But hey… his album, his songs, his money [facts only]. Speaking of, $5 a pop for a million of them days before the album dropped? Ching! [his laugh] ♪ Ya’ll gon’ learn today… ♪

Young and Beautiful [DH Orchestral version] – Lana Del Rey
From the movie ”The Great Gatsby”, which I would have tried not to see if I knew it was based on a romantic plot but would budge anyway because it’s executive produced by Jay-Z and stars Leonardo DiCaprio, his buddy Tobey geeky spidey Maguire and others.


But Lana Del Rey stole the shine from the allstar cast and crew of the film with this song. I didn’t go past the minute in the film her voice sang this song for 10 minutes. Oshey Shazam for the hook up!

”All that grace. All that body. All that face. Makes me wanna party. [She’s] my sun. [She] makes me shine… like dia-monds… ” *adds to marriage playlist*

Mental note: Marriage playlist, not wedding playlist. Be guided.

Born Sinner – J. Cole ft James Fauntleroy
”Sometimes she hate the way she raised me but she love [who] she raised. Can’t wait to hand her these house keys with nothing to say.”

Main Theme [Pacific Rim OST] – Ramin Djawani
I remain loyal to uncle Hans Zimmer’s surreal compositions yeah, but whoever Ramin Djawani is, he absolutely nailed the main theme of the Pacific Rim movie, so well… Zimmer probably may not have most likely made, for the movie… nah I remain loyal to Zimmer but Djawani did really great on this.

Take Back Tomorrow – Goldfish
Stumbled on Goldfish on one of the scarce occasions I watch other channels not showing football or comedy (Married to Jonas is quite comic, depending on what point you view from) and was liking their vibe so, looked them up and got a random song.

This is the ‘motivational’ song that I got from my random choice.

Let Us Move On – Dido ft. Kendrick Lamar
Dido is to me what Rihanna is to her navy babies or Amber Rose is to her… rosebuds was it? No, Dido fans are not called dil-… whoa look at the time!

Yes, the song. It’s Dido, automatic love for it and with K-dot featuring… you just may like it too, if you haven’t heard it.

Soundsultan – Natural Something
Soundsultan always comes up with a great vibe each time after going behind the music industry’s curtain for a while. Never necessarily going with fad yet always managing to steer the mainstream to his lane for the moment he shows up.

Till next time then.

Khona – I don’t even know her name
… and I have no idea what in the world the song is about. Was she cursing those who listen to the song? Was she reminiscing on stuff that’s neither here nor there?

I don’t know but my head nods when the song comes on. One time, saw the video and it was subtitled. Who is the blessed soul that went through the trouble?

Memories Back Then – T.I. ft. B.o.B. and Kendrick Lamar
Nice song about very ‘unnice’ deeds from days of mischief past. Cliff Harris jr. is quite evil, to the point where he kept himself from name dropping at the end. One divorce averted.

Pour It Up [remix] – Rihanna ft. Young Jeezy, Rick Ross, Juicy J, T.I.
Seeing as I don’t go out much (yes, keyboard warrior here. 5,000 virtual benchpresses per day. What do you know? :|) this is my ’50 Cent – In Da Club’ party track.

Durosoke – Olamide
Because it’s my oldest niece’s first favourite song, or so we believe at home. Now all she recites is the Hail Mary, followed by Alleluia shouts. So wonderful being one of her role models, I think.

Skelewu – Davido
Obviously, the instrumental. I can’t dance to save your life. The whole business on the video shoots for it though… mighty unnecessary.

Dangote's god son.

Cash Flow – D’banj ft K-Switch
We miss the Mo’Hits D’banj yes, but his album this year wasn’t so bad unlike Not/North’s dad’s album which we’ll get to in a moment.

For now, ”I’m the god son of Dangote… owo tun wa! Ola tun wa! Iyi tun wa! Mo gbona fẹli fẹli mo tun po-pu-lar. A ni mo l’ẹnu mo le p’aṣẹ bi Mandela. Kẹ le gbo mi daada bi vuvuzela!”

La La La – Naughty Boy ft. Sam Smith
It’s the perfect song when you’re in the ”can’t tell me nuffin” mood, the perfect for the minority who actually listen to the Yeezus album and try to convince you to… ”what was that? Jesus is what? Gimme a moment mate!”

”♪ La. La la. La-la-la La-la La-la-la-la La… ♪”

I’d written a bit more about how we who hate Yeezus love Kanye but can’t take the ‘creative direction’ he took to make the album, how it sucked that the album was compared with Jay-Z’s over-valued mixtape, why Justin Timberlake, Jesse Jagz and some others didn’t catch my ears and something about I should like Burna Boy’s album more but I haven’t listened to it enough.

Then there was a little bit more about how the bonus tracks of the Marshall Mathers LP 2 alone will kill the entire albums of pretty much every rap album put out in the last… let me think about it… three years, arguably. Not just sure what Eminem and Rubin were smoking when making Berzerk but it definitely was not premium, or perhaps that’s what it was. I don’t know.

All that intended to be written, it’s a wrap. Christmas is in the area and Arsenal may well be top of the league still when Christ is born. No? ”♪ La. La la. La-la-la La-la La-la-la-la La… ♪”

Have a great week anyway!

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Black Stripes at Dusk – Gozie

Commercial 'danfo' bus

Gozie was jerked from sleep no thanks to the bump from the commercial bus he was in entering a pothole, while it took him and others from Ikeja towards Yaba at the dusk of a wet Thursday in Lagos.

“Make una no vex na!” implored the bus driver as passengers rained abuse on him for the discomfort of the pothole, with most insults coming from a woman sitting by the window on the row right behind the driver.

She had hit her head or shoulder hard when the bus met the pothole as it approached Town Planning bus stop at Anthony. Gozie was not sure where she was hurt exactly and he really couldn’t be bothered to know from the back of the bus, sitting by the window at the right side of the bus.

Gozie had sat there gratefully and watched a man grudgingly make his way past him to the dreaded place in a danfo bus at the extreme end of the bus, which in Lagos is the most undesired of all the sitting places in any danfo bus.

One only sat there when not in a hurry or would only alight from at the last bus stop. Otherwise, that seat was always avoided like a conductor would a bus stop tout or the police.

Having figured where the bus had reached by looking out the window, Gozie produced his wallet so he could be ready to hand the conductor his fare without trouble. He hated how they usually bickered when a passenger didn’t hand them their fare at the first time of asking.

“Town Planning?!” called the conductor, there was no response. “Iru eyan wo ni eleyi ntori Oloun?!” he lamented moments after. “Shey I no talk ‘no shange!’ before you enter?!” he continued at a man in the middle row who had produced a one thousand Naira note to pay his fare. The man didn’t say a word, but simply held out his thousand Naira hand till the conductor grudgingly took the money.

Gozie handed the conductor a two hundred Naira note at his turn to pay, ‘I’ll take a bike home when I drop at Onipanu’ Gozie thought as he contemplated how he would make his way home with the remaining one thousand Naira note he had.

“Onipanu na two hundred madam!” bellowed the conductor at the female passenger beside Gozie before twice calling out “Obanikoro?!” moments after passing Town Planning, getting no response either time.

Meanwhile the woman the conductor had bellowed at moments ago was insisting on paying fifty Naira less, but the conductor was having none.

“Close your door o!” yelled the passenger by the edge of the seat behind the two front passengers with the driver, “before dem bathe me finish”. But the conductor ignored that passenger as he continued collecting fare.

The woman beside Gozie hissed as she collected her three hundred Naira balance from the conductor. “I don’t know how Onipanu is two hundred from Ikeja o, thief!” she said loud enough for everyone to hear, but the conductor ignored her too.

“Your money!” he asked the penultimate passenger at the back while arranging the Naira notes in his hand, with the higher denomination notes inside the bundle and the lower denominations on the outside. ‘And he would say he has no money to those touts’ Gozie said in thought.

“Staff!” was the passenger’s reply and Gozie turned quick enough to catch the man put a police cap and a wry smile on. Gozie could not help the chuckle, and he was joined by the woman beside him whose smiled beamed.

The conductor’s countenance went from thoughtful to caged rage. “Una go just dey do like… ” but the conductor was interrupted by the man sitting by the door on the row behind the driver, “Close. This. Door! Na?!” after getting splashed again by a passing vehicle.

The conductor obliged him this time. “Humph!” came the irritated muffled sound from the woman in the middle row sitting on the makeshift seat by the door, right under the conductor’s oozing armpit.

“Your money!” he called to the last passenger who smiled before handing him a one thousand Naira note, much to the conductor’s dismay though he only grumbled.

“Palmgrove?!” he soon called while handing the last passenger a five hundred Naira note as part of his balance. No one answered. “Onipanu” he then called, “Palmgrove wa o!” answered a woman in the row behind the driver. “But I… ” but the conductor cut himself short and shook his head before confirming to his driver “Palmgrove wa.” adding “go front small before you stop.”

The driver did as his conductor instructed but no sooner had the conductor opened the door when a tout appeared asking for money. The disgusted conductor hissed before tactfully showing the small denomination notes in his hand to the tout. The latter was not convinced, “Ògbẹni fun mi l’owo jor!”

“Ehz!” started the off-duty policeman. Gozie was still not sure if he really was a policeman or just an impostor, but he was not going to trouble himself finding out. “Which yeye money you wan collect you dis tiff!” he shouted to the tout, probably ‘trying to justify his ‘staffness” Gozie thought.

“Who born dis one?!” retorted the tout. “Hin mama!” said the policeman, adding “Commot here jor!” only for the tout to hiss and retort “if I snap you for video now, ori youtoob lo ma de like your hundred Naira sister na! Ashiere!” before he alight from the bus which was now moving slowly away from Palmgrove bus stop.

The tout was referring to a now suspended policewoman who was the main character of a recent youtube video showing her demanding money from a conductor. The policeman here caught the subliminal and yelled “you dey crase!” at the tout before taking off his police cap, embarrassed. ”I loff youtoob!” the tout responded, mimicking popular rapper Olamide.

Gozie chuckled again and answered “O wa o!” when the conductor called his bus stop. The bus stopped at Onipanu, with another tout demanding money from the conductor.

Gozie alight from the bus, followed by the woman sitting beside him, who needlessly called the conductor “ole!” as she did. “Aṣẹwo, na your mama for Empire be ole” he retorted as he settled the Onipanu tout before jumping onto the bus like most conductors do.

The woman yelled insults at the departing bus as Gozie smiled while making his way to the pedestrian bridge. It started to drizzle just then. ‘Definitely taking a bike home’ Gozie decided in thought.

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Random Yarns – The Thin Line Between

What is good? What is bad? The answers to those is a matter of semantics in the world today but if we go by the basics, then good is good and bad is bad. Good is God and bad is Satan. Good is Born Sinner and bad is Yeezus.

Drugs are good for you, especially when you’re down with an illness. Then again, there are some drugs that aren’t good for you yet those who follow such prescription based on some twisted diagnosis life has given them will have you believe more than a Jehovah Witness evengelist can convince you of Jesus that these ‘drugs’ are good.

So if a select few cush-ioned nicely in a corner of cozy cloud nine can state for a fact that certain bad drugs are good and some of you after a trial or two or three till-society-labels-you-an-addict number of times go with the verdict of the select few… what then is good and what is bad?

P.S: The Netherlands is such a lovely country, Colombia too. The things you could do with all the oranges and Shakiras.

To get these things, the good things of life, you need to possess a serious amount of currency(-ies) for a sustained period of hourglass turns under the motivation or guise of achievement or plain ”you creatures are beneath me”. Or, you inherited the wealth/riches and couldn’t be bothered anyway so long as lanes are maintained.

Then you get to the point where, even though money is a good thing, how you get it eventually determines its holiness or otherwise in the supposed grand scheme of existence.

Therefore, as far as daily judgement goes, Mobutu money is bad money, Abacha money is bad money, Dangote money is good money, Gates money is good money, Uba money is bad money, Shawn Carter money is Illuminati money… which brings us to the question, is the Illuminati good or bad?

One on side you have the Illuminati as the evil itself. The very symbol of evil, the highest degree of all things condemned, the 12th level of Bounce, the seventh world of Zuma and the entity to be found at the very end of Temple Run.

It’s the eye of the dollar, making o ye users of that currency (there are many dollars but you know) inadvertently yet unexcusably as evil as Mephostopheles or Baal, or both combined. Maybe as evil as Lucifer? Oh wow, now you’d be BAD!

On the other side, the illuminati represents a misunderstanding of history. A distortion of translated records from dead ancient languages to modern languages. Now, imagine this:

Ancient: ”The Supreme Leader and Possessor of this realm, the realm beyond and all realms unknown yet in existence around, above, beneath and inbetween this realm, orders the execution by beheading like a lamb for sacrifice of the maids for displeasing the Royal Guard of Realms.”

Modern translation: ”Around 4358 BC, Emperor of what is now the Russia, the Middle East and a small part of Asia, ordered the beheading of lambs and maidens [virgins] to please their gods.”

If you ask Yeezus, he’d cuss you out and make another album of it, guided by a ‘creative direction’. If you ask me, you’ll get a blank stare, or some cocked up ‘opinion’ that’s well glossed words ever so pristine and immaculately delivered when it actually is utter bollocks of no wisdom or belief.

A wise person should keep mind away from such matters so abstract and focus on the matters that matter to the mather… *mother. So when are you getting married? Oh, you’re married. Okay. When will you give her a grandchild? Oh you have a grandchild, splendid.

But when will you give her a male grandchild? Oh I see, your children are boys. Marvellous. Why did it take so long to give birth to the first born? Before you even answer that, are you barren? It’s only barren people that take so long to give birth because they’ve been trying only to pay the help to be a surrogate :|!

Was the help just a surrogate or did you guys have a Hagar arrangement with the help? When was the last time they paid granny a visit and spent the night for a week or month there? Ah, when did you start to stammer? What’s the meaning of this? You this child, you want to kill me before my time? I serve a living God, do you?

… mothers. Always concerned.

Not as concerned as when boys, guys, men, who’s he-s, your father’s mates, George of the Joan Rivers Fashion Police kind, Segun Arinzes, Samwise Gamgees and especially Lady Gagas start owning her daughter’s attention.

Wait, you thought the father’s yes got the daughter’s hand married off? Such a learner. This is another tale for another day but today, are all men bad? Are there still some good men? Are ‘men’ really found in all the painful experiences of women? Or do women misinterpret pleasure as pain?

Here’s the thing, as painfully read in the bestseller 50 Shades series, S&M is a painful yet pleasurable experience. We also know of some of you who are in physically abusive marriages yet choose to stay in it for your reasons. Is the sex after THAT good?

Then there are some of you in surface bouyant marriages when around the corner, at the next street or state or country, your partner is upholding another marriage there. How and why these category of people do it, I’ll never understand but you have admire their energy and verve.

Then a unit or all of Family A find out that a chief partner in A has all the years been managing Family B elsewhere, leading you to ask ”what?!?!” or ”whyyyy… ?” only to be told a tale that touches the heart of dire circumstances that led to Family B.

Derailing from off-topic, it indeed could actually be difficult for a woman to discern good and bad or why would a woman marry a man knowing very well he has a wife and family elsewhere?

Oh don’t get this wrong, men have a good idea of what is good and bad but when this man married and started a second family, he obviously didn’t think it was a bad idea. Besides, his name isn’t Abdulquadri Omar Hassan who is allowed to have as much as four wives (so long he loves them equally).

So in the end, what is good and what is bad? It is bad to call a bad person bad because that’s judgement (from a good person). But then, it is not judgement but a complement to label a good person good? Moral, there’s a very thin line between good and bad.

All the above usually gets me through the puzzle that makes a person blow him/herself up in the midst of people based on the promise that they will be received by 70 virgins way upstairs in the realm beyond and their family left in this realm will be paid PSG-esque for their sacrifice.

Last question though. Does that mean a female suicide bomber is promised 70 virgin males waiting to give her sknacks in the realm beyond after the deed here, which is good in their eyes but bad to society, is done? If your answer is yes, you’re telling me one can be a whore up there? Seriously? An eternity of whoring but not in the fires way below?

No shit!

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Random Poem

First poem in more than a decade, here goes something.
Elated to get line one out of the way, now a second.
Third line and thinking should I rhyme or write free?
Stuck in this corner, on an alter ego I beckoned.

What’s the matter this time? Quick! Was having a nap.
You need help with a line. Think you’ve written some crap.
Wow! You’ve managed a rhyme. Wait, mute my harp…
You cunning flesh of slime! You deserve this catechist slap!

Oh shut it you bellend! What he deserves you do thrice more.
Oh shut it you too! Shush! Every fight here is of your cause.
I’d hand you both the slaps alas, my palms would go sore.
So enter the raucous ego to hand you both what’s yours.

Leave me out of this please. I’ve had it with these two enough.
The ”Receive the Spirit!” night? Mighty reckless they’ve been since.
And yes! I’ll spoil what you have going by stopping here.

Such a party pooper, you. No-no-no-no… No! You won’t have of my verse.
Perverse overaged twat! Maturity worse than those before you.
Boohoo! I will make my verse to his content anyway.
Okay, not exactly how he wants it but the rhyme schemes there.

Well then. All I really needed was a rhyme to help with a line.
Didn’t intend to cause… scrap that, I am happy this happened.
No don’t give me that look, I would do this again if I could.
In fact we would very soon, along with three more guys.


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During the Week: 2018 World Cup Boycott Mooted, Fergie Fires Shots from Autobiography and More

Ahead of the men’s season ending ATP Tour Finals serving off next week in London, the women’s curtain call championship served off in Istanbul, Turkey during the week.

And despite stating her tiredness following her straight sets win over third seed Agnieszka Radwanska, women’s world number one player Serena Williams has nonetheless reached the semi-final of the season ending WTA Championships.

Playing in the Red Group, Williams overcame German Angelique Kerber in her opening match before going past Radwanska and, with the ‘tiredness’ on her, managed to beat Petra Kvitova 6-2 6-3 in her final group match.

But indeed, the American great has a case to be tired having played all three roundrobin matches in successive days unlike Kvitova, for instance, who had a day off ahead of her loss to Williams.

Czech fifth seed Kvitova can however join Williams in the semis if she defeats Kerber; also in with a chance of joining Williams with a win, in the group’s final match.

Third seed Radwanska on her part is out of the Championship having lost all her three roundrobin matches, and most disappointingly all in straight sets too.

Over in the White Group, fourth seed Li Na heads the group with two wins from two matches following a 6-3, 2-6, 6-3 win over Jelena Jankovic. All Na needs is to win a set in her final group match against second seed Viktoria Azarenka to seal qualification.

A straight sets loss would however jeopardise her position greatly, see Azarenka go through to the last four and be joined there by Jankovic, who will qualify if she wins her final group match against already eliminated Sara Errani, regardless of the result from the Azarenka-Na match.

From coloured groups in Istanbul to matters of one race abusing people of a different race. Manchester City midfielder Yaya Toure has suggested quite a few actions against racism since accusing fans of CSKA Moscow of aiming monkey chants at him during a UEFA Champions League match on Wednesday.

Toure, who wore the captain’s armband which had ‘No to Racism’ printed on it, suggested after the match in Moscow that a lengthy stadium ban could be given to CSKA for the incident and that players of African descent could boycott the 2018 World Cup in Russia to drive home the ‘No to Racism’ point.

This way, according to Toure, he hoped that Russia would take responsibility and deal with such “unbelievable” behaviour ahead of the 2018 World Cup.

Interestingly, CSKA in a statement denied any racist chants were made by its fans during the match. ”Having carefully studied the video of the game, we found no racist insults from fans of CSKA.”

”In many occasions, especially during attacks on our goal, fans booed and whistled to put pressure on rival players, but regardless of their race (Alvaro Negredo and Edin Dzeko). Why the Ivorian midfielder took it as all being directed at him is not clear.”

The Russian club even went further, and below the belt if you ask me, to release a statement from Toure’s fellow Ivorian Seydou Doumbia, who plays for CSKA.

”Yes, they’re always noisy in supporting the team, and try to put as much pressure as possible on our opponents, but they wouldn’t ever allow themselves to come out with racist chants. So my Ivory Coast colleague is clearly exaggerating.”

UEFA, which had declared this week a Football Against Racism in Europe (FARE) Action Week, will have a disciplinary committee convene next Wednesday on the matter to find if CSKA is guilty of the accusation. A guilty verdict would lead to partial closure of the stadium next Champions League home match.

On the field, CSKA lost 2-1 to City with a Sergio Agüero brace cancelling CSKA’s lead and leaving them third in the group with three points, behind City in second with six points and leaders Bayern Munich with nine maximum points after the Germans eased to a 5-0 win over pointless Victoria Plzen.

Olympique Marseille of France is also pointless after three group matches, losing 2-1 at home to Napoli that joined top placed Arsenal and second placed Borussia Dortmund on six points, with Dortmund getting a 2-1 victory at Arsenal.

Elsewhere, Cristiano Ronaldo scored his sixth and seventh goals of this season’s competition in Real Madrid’s 2-1 win over Juventus, Zlatan Ibrahimovic scored his third to sixth goals in PSG’s 5-0 demolition of Anderlecht in Brussels and Lionel Messi scored his fourth Champions League goal to help Barcelona come away from AC Milan with a 1-1 draw.

And in some other matches, Chelsea got an impressive 3-0 win at Schalke 04, Diego Costa – called up by Brazil for Nobember friendlies, which pretty much ends Spain’s chance of having him with La Roja – scored twice as Atletico Madrid won by the same score while Wayne Rooney’s effort off the post was lapped in by a Real Sociedad defender to give Manchester United a lone goal win.

The win helped to blow some cool wind at David Moyes and indeed all of Old Trafford following the disappointing draw with Southampton last Saturday and the press conference to announce the autobiography of Sir Alex Ferguson, My Autobiography (dead title) on Tuesday.

Revealing ‘excerpts’ from the book, which became available on Thursday, Sir Alex chronicled his sometimes feisty relationship with Rooney whom he says had been told to mind his business after asking for the club to sign Mesut Özil, who then was at Werder Bremen.

The book also chronicles Robin Judas Persie’s move from Arsenal, with Fergie apologising to the Dutch striker for not keeping his word on remaining at the club beyond last season.

Then there’s Pizzagate after United ended Arsenal’s 49 match unbeaten run, stating he didn’t know to this day who threw the pizza at him. Former Arsenal midfielder Cesc Fabregas would then like an instagram picture of a pizza posted by Arseblog soon after the conference. So ‘subliminal’.

Fergie also touched on the boot incident with David Beckham whom he accused of making it ”an ambition to be known outside the game”, expressed his spicy view on former Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez and reiterated that Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard is not a top top player and was perplexed as to why he was chosen ahead of Michael Carrick in the England set-up.

Former Man. United captain Roy Keane and his savage tongue, Rooney and his weight issues, Mark Bosnic’s weight issues too, Ruud van Nistelrooij and Rio Ferdinand were also ‘fondly’ mentioned in the book, while Fergie also suggested Michael Owen would’ve had a better career had he joined United instead of Liverpool.

Whether he would or wouldn’t would matter little to nothing to David Moyes, whose Man. United side will hope to build on the win over Sociedad when Stoke City visit on Saturday in a Premier League match.

Top of the table Arsenal kick the weekend off in their shot trip across town to face second from bottom Crystal Palace that parted ways with manager Ian Holloway.

The big match comes up on Sunday when second placed Chelsea host fourth placed Manchester City in the Premier League’s Clash of the Cash, preceded by the TyneWear derby between Sunderland and Newcastle United.

In Germany, second placed Dortmund visit Schalke in the Ruhr derby while leaders Bayern Munich host capital club Hertha Berlin in another Bundesliga match on Saturday.

The clash of the weekend comes from the Camp Nou where Barcelona host Real Madrid in this season’s first El Clasico. Messi will start, CR7 definitely will. Neymar is set for his first Clasico for Barça while Gareth Bale could feature as well having overcome injury problems.

Real Madrid head into that in confident mood, having cut the gap behind Barça to three points last weekend. One loss in the e
last eight Clasicos further boosts La Decima’s confidence ahead of the encounter.

Anticipation of that clash brings this post to a close. On this day, The Alchemist turns 36 today, The Forty Martyrs of England and Wales are remembered at the latter nation, Shaun Wright Phillips turns 32 and musicians Katy Perry, Ciara and Gyptian celebrate their birthdays as well.

Many happy returns to them and all else celebrating. And a pleasant weekend to the rest of us alive by the grace of God. Cheers!

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Over the Weekend: Pillars Retain League Title, Nigerian Wave Rips Mexico Apart and More

Here I was mellow mocking Shooting Stars of Ibadan early in the week since the Ibadan club faced inevitable relegation from the Premier League, two matches (to end the season) after and alas, Kwara United got relegated as well.

Such was the dramatic nature with which the 2012/13 Nigeria Premier League ended on Sunday, with another Ilorin club ABS FC joining the two in being relegated despite thrashing Nembe City 6-1 in their penultimate match of the season in midweek.

At the brighter end of the table meanwhile, only three points separated the top four finishers, with Kano Pillars winning the league title by a mere point despite losing 2-0 at Lobi Stars on the final day.

Enyimba, that had been put out of title contention in a midweek loss at Sunshine Stars, finished second with 62 points while Bayelsa United finished with 61 points and El-Kanemi Warriors ended in fourth place with 60 points.

Pillars’ title win makes the northern side the first, since Enyimba did 10 years ago, to successfully defend the league title. Both clubs will now be Nigeria’s representatives for next season’s CAF Champions League.

In this season’s Champions League, defending champions Al-Ahly of Egypt will come up against South Africa’s Orlando Pirates, after beating Cameroun’s Coton Sport 7-6 on penalties in Cairo.

Pirates had overcome Esperance in Tunis on aggregate despite drawing their first leg goalless, while Al-Ahly came through on penalties after both legs against Coton Sport of Cameroun ended in 1-1 draws.

Away from the continent but still, mostly, about the continent, Nigeria began her quest for a record fourth FIFA U17 World Cup title with an emphatic 6-1 dispatch of their Mexican counterparts on Saturday.

The duo of Kelechi Ineanacho and Success Isaac orchestrated the wave that blew the Mexicans apart, with Isaac the Özil of the Golden Eaglets while Ineanacho finished the match with four goals.

The competition had begun with Brazil recording same score in their match against Slovakia, while Uruguay thrashed New Zealand 7-0 in another encounter.

Cote D’Ivoire lost by a lone goal to Italy before drawing their second match 1-1 against Uruguay while Brazil got a second 6-1 win, this time against host nation United Arab Emirates on Sunday.

Africa’s other representatives though have begun well like Nigeria, with Morocco getting a 3-1 win over Croatia in their opening Group C match while Tunisia beat Venezuela 2-1 in their opening Group D match.

Surely a few decent and big European clubs (at least Porto, Ajax and probably a few English clubs) will have scouts watching on the progress of such players as Isaac, Ineanacho, Nathan of Brazil among a few others.

One teenager whose somewhat made it to the big time though is 18 year old Adnan Januzaj, who over the weekend signed a new five year deal with Manchester United and laid to rest his club future at least.

The Belgian/Croat/Serbian/Albanian/Turkish/could-be-English-if-he-chooses teenager will reportedly now earn £30,000 per week, a vast improvement from the previous thousand pound per week contract he was on.

On the field however, his presence failed to transcend a vast improvement of the club’s fortunes as Southampton came away from Old Trafford with a 1-1 draw in a Premier League match on Saturday.

The result leaves the Red Devils in eighth place with 11 points while Southampton dropped to sixth with 15 points, behind Tottenham Hotspur on goal difference after Spurs won 2-0 at Aston Villa and ahead of Everton on goal difference after the Toffees won 2-1 at home to Hull City (Tigers).

Chelsea now occupy second spot with 17 points after an eventful 4-1 win over Cardiff City in a match that witnessed Samuel Eto’o nick the ball while the Cardiff goalkeeper, having made a save, bounced it while preparing to take a goal-kick.

Eto’o’s wit led to Chelsea’s equaliser, before further goals including the Cameroun striker’s first for the club won the three points for the Londoners, whose manager Jose Mourinho was sent to the stands. The ‘Happy One’ would later ‘miss’ the post-match conference.

Elsewhere, Liverpool could only draw 2-2 at 10-man Newcastle United to drop to third behind Chelsea on goal difference while Manchester City is a point behind in fourth after a brace and an assist from Sergio Agüero gave City a 3-1 win at West Ham United.

And Arsenal opened a two-point lead at the top of the league after some sublime football led to the 4-1 defeat of Norwich City through goals from Jack Wilshere, a Mesut Özil brace (including his first ever headed goal) and an emphatic Aaron Ramsey finish.

The Gunners’ focus is now on their third UEFA Champions League match at home to Borussia Dortmund, with the German side coming into the match on the back of a 1-0 win over Hannover 96 in the Bundesliga.

That win kept the bumblebees in second place with 21 points, a point behind Bayern Munich that came from a goal down to crush Mainz 4-1 courtesy of Mario Götze who provided three of the goals there.

Bayer Leverkusen is third with 21 points after getting a 2-1 win at Hoffenheim on Friday in rather odd circumstance, with Sidney Sam giving Leverkusen the lead before Stefan Kießling’s header was counted as a goal despite the ball going into the net through a hole in the sidenetting.

Hannover would then pull a goal back before coming ever so close to an equaliser in the dying minutes, only to be denied by the Leverkusen goalkeeper and twice by the goalpost in a frenetic two seconds.

In the Spanish La Liga, Lionel Messi returned from injury but was unable to prevent Osasuna getting a point from the encounter which ended in a goalless draw.

That result ended Barcelona’s perfect start to the season, having won their opening eight matches heading into the match. Barça though now hold a one point lead over Atletico Madrid whose perfect start also came to an end with Espanyol beating Atletico 1-0 in the pseudo-Clasico.

Both results allowed third placed Real Madrid to come within two points of their city rival and three points of their archrival thanks to a 2-0 win over Malaga with goals from Angel di Maria and a late Cristiano Ronaldo penalty.

In Italy however, Roma maintained their perfect start to the season by winning 2-0 at home to second placed Napoli and also ended with the weekend five points clear of the league as Juventus failed to take advantage of Napoli’s loss.

The Old Lady relinquished a 2-0 lead to lose 4-2 at Fiorentina to remain in third place, followed by Hellas Verona with 16 points while Inter Milan and Fiorentina have 15 points with Inter coming away from Turin with a 3-3 draw against Torino.

In France, Paris Saint Germain opened a two point lead at the top of the league thanks to a 4-0 bashing of Bastia with Zlatan scoring two goals including another memorable backheeled goal to add to his collection of audacious goals.

Monaco remain second but saw a 2-0 lead disappear as the principality club was held 2-2 at Sochaux while title rival Olympique Marseille stumbled further, losing 1-0 on Friday.

Still with the French but in tennis, Richard Gasquet hopped over compatriot Jo-Wilfred Tsonga to occupy the final ATP World Tour Final slot after the former won the Kremlin Cup and the latter lost in the semi-final of the Austrian Open.

With one tournament left to play for each player ahead of the London finale which serves off November 4, only three players – Rafael Nadal, defending champion Novak Djokovic and David Ferrer – are outrightly guaranteed of their place.

Juan Martin Del Potro, Tomas Berdych and Stanislas Wawrinka would confirm their places with good enough showings this week while Roger Federer could still miss out altogether if he performs poorly this week and two of the four players behind him do well.

Those players are Gasquet, Tsonga, Canadian Milos Raonic and German veteran Tommy Haas who gave himself an outside chance of making the London finale by winning the Austrian Open with a 6-3 4-6 6-4 win over Robin Haase.

Federer meanwhile has stated he would be more delighted to see compatriot Wawrinka make the Tour Final than him, having not missed the season’s curtain-closer in the last 11 years.

And with that, it’s the curtain call for this post. On this day, former England international Paul Ince is born in 1967, Manchester United defender Nemanja Vidic is born in 1981 and television star Kim Kardashian is born in 1980.

Tomorrow, the Golden Eaglets take on Sweden in what should be their group’s star match while Arsène Wenger will hope for a 64th birthday present with an Arsenal win over Dortmund tomorrow night.

And to you reading, hope you have a great week ahead!

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