Posts Tagged Franck Ribery

Random Yarns: Living the Jet Life BUT You Can’t Be Homosexual


Good day from a part of the world where the president is supposedly about to add another jet to the presidential fleet, if he hasn’t. 11 birds for one citizen, albeit the ‘number one’ citizen (how did that happen, Lord?), yet the nation he presides over doesn’t have a national carrier.

Amidst adding to the presidential fleet, the husband of Mama Peace – Lucky Joe – ”quietly” (as the Telegraph rightly put it, seeing as the lawmakers had passed the bill December 17, 2013 and Lucky Joe had signed it as law January 7, 2014) made the Same Sex Marriage Prohibition Act. I mean, is there a better way to start your Tuesday morning?

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Before delving into the matter of somewhat flexuous sexuality, have you ever found yourself in public transportation sitting right beside a ninj… a muslim woman dressed to cover all parts of her body?

Commercial Lagos

Always a fascinating experience for a male, at least it is for me. I’m sitting comfortably while she is fidgeting for reasons best known to Allah. I would sniff my armpits to check if I’m being an inconvenience but my cleanliness is like my appetite… satisfied at least twice a day.

The last time I sat beside a nin… woman dressed in niqab, she fidgeted for 10 minutes while I thought up this post. And when I’m thinking, as I’m sure you do, I tend to have a smile/smirk… as I’m sure you, uhm… do.

You should see me while I’m thinking up a blog post in the bedroom… or not, your preference. Bringing us back to Lucky Joe and the bill he just passed since it’s the least one could do on a Tuesday morning.

In a country where ”there’s no network” forever at Union Bank, where the Stella Oduah trust fund worth ₦225m as at 2013 has been dwarfed by the joint trust fund of NNPC and CBN worth varying yet equally staggering sums between $12b and $48b…

… in a country where the amounts budgeted to fuel power generators at government offices is ‘necessary’, in a country where the CBN Governor is asked to resign by the President for the leak of letter when Stella Oduah is still on the matter… what I’m concerned about at the moment is this…

A basic Nike football advert. Sorry, we’ll get to the gay rights bill in a bit. For now, the Nike advert has five players in Brazil national team colours making up a wall for what looks like an icon of Cristiano Ronaldo about to take one of those freekicks.

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Each time I see that picture, ‘every each time’, all I think about is how Luis Nani and Cristiano Ronaldo’s careers panned out; very much like this picture. In case you didn’t see him, Nani’s the one in the back… ”to the left to the left. Looking-for CR-lite? Look to the left!”

Why would a creative be so wickedly creative and do that? My God! If I was at the brainstroming session that led to this creative (master)piece I’d have the Portuguese touchline as the background with Ricardo (fake charisma) Quaresma about to come on for none other than Nani (noni).

Writing of, Ronaldo was awarded the Ballon d’Or, congratulations. Lionel Messi, knowing full well he wasn’t getting the Ballon d’Or decided (actually, I assume) to wear that to the ceremony. (No, don’t bring Ballon d’Suit-esque jokes here. The award itself isn’t a bad enough joke already?)

Then… Franck Ribery. After being frontrunner for the prize before FIFA thought it wise to extend voting, Ribery didn’t even finish as runner-up but in third place. At least he’s got the cups in the Bayern Munich trophy cabinet to cry into, consolation.

I feel for Ribery, really. All he didn’t do better than Ronaldo or Messi in 2013 was be the only player in his team that was in extraordinary form. Sentiments aside, all he didn’t do better than the other two was score endless goals.

One now must really cherish the moment Fabio Cannavaro was crowned world player of the year in 2006. Dare a defender (or anyone who doesn’t play upfront) to win the award now… dare you!

… but que sera sera. The Ballon d’Or mockery, which became crystal apparent based on some of the players listed in the team of the year, has happened. ”Deal with it!” is what I’ve told myself.

Which is what I’ll say to debaters arguing in favour of the ‘anti-gay’ law. You guys do realise showing public support of homosexuality could see you spend a decade in jail right? Jail where the myth of the dropped bar of soap came from?

Deal with it, please!

Seedorf tears_1

Or, what would you do when you find out the manager of your favourite (title winning on a regular) football club is gay? Call for his sack? And risk becoming what Manqueester United is becoming?

Roman's fantasy

Look, my opinion on homosexuality is…

I…

Speechless

… anyway, whether you like it or not, the law basically says being homosexual is wrong. Be a ”law abiding citizen” (like Gerard Butler’s character was) and deal with it (… not like Gerard Butler’s character did though).

Besides, as Chief Edochie once asked, “would you have your plantain bare and feed it to the wrong person through their anal hole rather than to the right person through the proper hole?” and indeed, what pleasure do some people derive from anal sex?

Hmm… it is time to rest, Punkenstein.

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Champions League Match Day 2 Preview – Group E to H


First off, here’s how match day one went in the four groups on preview:

Group E: Bayern Munich 2-0 AS Roma. CFR Cluj 2-1 FC Basle

Group F: MSK Zilina 1-4 Chelsea. Olympique Marseille 0-1 Spartak Moscow

Group G: Real Madrid 2-0 AFC Ajax. AC Milan 2-0 AJ Auxerre

Group H: Arsenal 6-0 Sporting Braga. Shakhtar Donetsk 1-0 Partizan Belgrade

Much has happened since a fortnight ago when these matches were played with Chelsea and Arsenal falling to first league defeats of their seasons, Bayern being stunned at home by surprise Bundesliga leaders FSV Mainz, Roma edging Inter Milan in Serie A in what should prove a real confidence booster for the Italians and Real Madrid dropping points in a goalless draw against newly promoted Levante to leave los Merengues playing chase in la Liga already.

In Group E, Roma’s seeming revival will be tested by CFR Cluj at the Stadio Olimpico which may prove a bit too imposing for the visiting Romanian side. A win for Roma in this match is especially crucial as any other result will deeply jeopardise Giallorossi’s chance of making the knock-out round. Bayern Munich, that have French winger Franck Ribery back, is favourite to win the trip to Switzerland to face Basle as the Bavarians will be out to get the home loss by Mainz behind them.

Group F sees an attractive fixture with French champions Marseille visiting the Stamford Bridge fortress to face Chelsea and its former striker Didier Drogba. Marseille may not have the quality of players or home advantage as Manchester City but there is much the French side can take to the Bridge. That said, Chelsea is known to recover very well from losses as against City on Saturday and Marseille will be made to rue losing its first match at home to Spartak. The Russians can consolidate on that crucial win with what should be a stroll of a game against visiting debutantes Zilina. A win for Spartak there would mean six points in the bag before a dreaded double header of games against Chelsea with the Blues visiting Russia in the first of those games in mid October.

In Group G, Ajax must utilise its youth and home advantage against seven time champions Milan that have former Ajax striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic in its fold along with Alex Pato, Robinho and the ever dreaded Ronaldinho to bank on to ruffle the Ajax back line. Luis Suarez will be key if Ajax is to win otherwise, experience will play in favour of Milan with a point from the trip in the least.

Milan will also be driven to win by the looming fixture with Real Madrid coming after this and with the Spaniards not in top form, an upset in the form of a loss or draw against Auxerre will swing the group advantage to Milan… Jose Mourinho has his work cut out.

Finally from Group H, Arsenal face a tricky trip to Partizan Belgrade without captain Cesc Fàbregas and goalkeeper Manuel Almunia, who was chief culprit in the shock 2-3 reverse at home to West Brom in the Premier League, giving Polish keeper Lukasz Fabianski a starting berth and his chance to be Arsenal’s first choice keeper. Safe for that department, the Gunners should get a point at worst from this trip. Braga meanwhile must pick up from an appaling opening day display at the Emirates when Shakhtar visit Portugal looking to consolidate on its opening day win over Partizan. Any less than a win for Braga will poise Shakhtar for the double salvo in October against Arsenal and a reunion of Eduardo da Silva with his former employers.

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Top 10 Players of 2008/09 Part Two


This week, the task of picking the five that complete this list is quite a headache and therefore, the five should be worthy footballers for making this.

Nemanja Vidic
The Serbian’s impact on the Premier League generally and the Manchester United defense especially is so immense, I would actually root for him in the Player of the Season awards instead of being overly emotional ala PFA Player winner Ryan Giggs.

With Vidic, Rio Ferdinand is a better player and in his absence we all know how vulnerable the Red Devils’ defense line can be. Vidic is such the defender, Sir Alex said “he is never happy unless he leaves the pitch with a bruise”, now that’s the mark of greatness.

Wayne Rooney

Rooney does have a passion for the Three Lions

Rooney does have a passion for the Three Lions

This boxer-supposed-to-be is my Manchester United player of the year along with Vidic and a certain Carlos Tevez (who just misses this list thanks to SAF’s refusal to start him on the regular) and this is because he has played most of the season from the wings and played very well actually.

I wonder how Rooney became such a team player; Rooney that was quite the selfish one, but people change right? You just pity the fact though that he is English because I just don’t see England winning any major trophy anytime soon.

Diego
Werder Bremen’s Brazilian midfielder is almost an example of one tree making a forest as he unmistakably is the force behind Bremen’s run to the last UEFA Cup final to be played later this month.

Brazil international Diego

Brazil international Diego

He is a good controller of the ball, is the chief assist man in the German club and most importantly scores crucial goals, qualities which makes his stay at Bremen a knife edged privilege for the club.

Michael Essien
His absence from the Chelsea midfield was actually well managed by Nigeria’s John Mikel Obi but when he returned, we all saw why Essien is a better player than Mikel.

Michael Essien absence in mid-season probably cost Chelsea more than it could afford.

Michael Essien absence in mid-season probably cost Chelsea more than it could afford.

Yes Mikel has a better pass completion rate as well as good mental reading of games but Essien more importantly is not far behind on those aspects and as a bonus, scores goals!

??? ???

This I’ll leave to you to choose though I can say some of the players I have in mind for this final spot. Diego Forlan is one of them with his goals for Atletico Madrid, most of which are not tap-ins like say a Samuel Eto’o.

There also is Robin van Persie who I feel has been Arsenal’s best performer this season; Arshavin’s assessing is for next season. Alessandro del Piero, Franck Ribery, Gonzalo Higuian, Raul, David Villa and Ajax striker Suarez have also performed excellently this season.

However and expectedly, names such as Didier Drogba, John Terry, maybe Cesc Fabregas, Ryan Giggs (???) and the likes would make the real lists.

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