Posts Tagged heaven
While reading through tweeters’ thoughts one boring day during this festive period, a certain handle came up and with nothing doing, I looked up the meaning of this tweeter’s handle/username and lo, the following came about.
According to a legend, there is a sea beast so formidable only God can defeat it. What? Gypsy Danger can’t do anything about this Category 6+ matter? Best to leave the snoozing beast alone, assuming it exists.
Another legend has it that this fearless beast came so close to having the fish that swallowed Job for lunch. Whether it came close to doing so while Job was in the fish or after Job was out of the fish isn’t clear but for this legend to even exist, means it was while Job was in the fish.
While, thankfully for Job and the people he reluctantly delivered God’s message to, the beast didn’t eat Job’s fish, the beast is said to live on a one whale a day diet… and there you were, gloating about your ravenous appetite.
Yet another legend has it that this beast is a guardian of hell, which sort of explains why it’s regarded as a formidable one and can only be vanquished by God. Not that we even would like to find out ”oh, I read about you while I was alive. But I always thought it was Cerberus that… ” *roar* ”Ah!”
Dear God, no.
One more legend has it that God actually created two of this formidable beast, one male and one female. The male was a land beast (think T-Rex or a pissed off Godzilla on her week or a Category 6 Kaiju) while the female was a sea beast (same as previous parenthesis, just replace T-rex with Loch Ness).
But seeing as having two beasts so formidable wasn’t a particularly good idea for mother earth’s peace of mind and for the love of Premier League football, the legend says God vanquished one of them and salted it to keep for the end of days banquet.
Yes! When we get final judgement from God (and by His grace, make Heaven) we have excess barbeque (with Heineken, Baileys or Horlicks I hope) from this beast awaiting us to devour it in the everlasting banquet.
Problem is, the legend says it’s the female that God has in storage all salted and chilling for us to join the Heavenly hosts in the welcome party. The female is the sea beast we’re talking about here and… I don’t eat fish.
So, something else has to be on the menu that glorious day because I certainly hope to be part of God’s banquet party, because the alternative is not worth even considering let alone ending up with.
Dear God, no.
I have faith my God will come through for me though. Gizzard, liver, beef, chicken drumsticks, turkey, roundabout, ẹdọ, peppered pọmọ, snail, either peppered or cooked… asun… anything but fish!
Maybe even pork, if we get there and alas find out it actually is not a taboo to eat it afterall. The look on the archangels’ faces when some new folks in Heaven realise they missed out on pork all their earthly lives. I hear it tastes really nice… anyway, God will come through as He always has for me.
Anything but fish!
The beast is named the Leviathan and the pronunciation of it is rather sweet… not that it’s being suggested you name your child this. I don’t know you.
Would rather you didn’t look the Leviathan up either, there’s a bit about the Satanic Church and how it is the ‘fourth estate’ of that realm I conveniently left out of this post, sort of.
Right then. Have yourself a great day wherever you are.